Women Groomed By Dog Groomer

– If you peed in here, just let me know and I'll just– – I wouldn't tell you, first of all I am a lady

– Please don't (poppy electronic music) – Welcome to Let's Talk About That, the show about the show I'm Stevie and 20 years ago I was partying like it was 1999 This week's guests are easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows, it doesn't really matter to them because they spend most their time indoors in this very studio

Please welcome Rhett and Link (crew applauds and cheers) Yeah! – Yeah! New year, new me! – New year, new us! New year, new you! – It's 2019 – New year, new mug! – Two-thousand 19 is what I like to say, but 2019 is what most people say Welcome, everyone – Thank you, Stevie

– To this year Boy those mugs look nice that you guys are drinking out of They look eerily familiar to me – They have a speckle – [Stevie] They have a little speckle to them

– A speckle is built in (Link gulps and exhales) – You mean like when you order the mug, it comes with the speckle? – Yeah yeah You don't have to add the speckle – Speckle not included – Link, do you care to read what the mug says because I think we specifically wanna do a shout-out to you on the mug this year

– Le-tat, brine buppin' fo' sho (Stevie laughs) – I think the middle word is just– – Le-tat bwah bwah fo' sho – I think it's bime Le-tat bime fo' sho You don't have to make the middle word three syllables

– Or, as other people know it, LTAT, BYMB, fo' sho The Link part of it, it's also French – Sadly this mug is not for sale – Yeah yeah, that's the difference with this mug – I have seen you one day prior to this day that we are shooting this and during that day– – We weren't supposed to talk about that

That day – We talked about our breaks – LNTAT – But I specifically asked you not tell me about some of your breaks 'cause I'm a really bad actress and I wanted to hear about that part of your breaks right now in this very moment so that we could all hear about it, so please, tell me how your breaks were – This is what I call the Ear Biscuits game where Rhett and I frequently don't talk about things that are very meaningful experiences for us and we save them for our podcast

– Yeah it's healthy, I like it that way – It really is, it really is I've tried to convince my wife to do the same thing It's like, you know what, let's not talk about this important thing now, let's wait until we can get paid to talk about it – Oh until the podcast you guys are starting

– No because we don't have a podcast together, so now we just don't talk – [Stevie] Oh no I think you set yourself up for something– – 18 years of waiting to monetize a conversation – It's the perfect plan, like no no no, save it for that podcast, we'll do it in 2024 – Great – Yeah my marriage is going great

I'm also working for NASA now – Oh yeah I saw that – Yeah a little side job – I wanted to beat you to the punch about that, but that's– – You got some hair on your NASA – [Stevie] What kind of hair? – How's your year started, Rhett? – Hold on, you've got multiple hairs on your NASA

– Well it's Jade, it's Jade hairs – Okay them I'll leave 'em – I was leaving this morning and then she looked at me and she lifted one arm – The NASA salute (laughs) – Yeah so I had to pick her up

That means please pick me up and love me – I really wish that they did that You walk in, they're like– – No, as the shuttle takes off They're all doing that, they don't show that, I know that 'cause my uncle was in NASA I had a great break, thanks for asking

– [Stevie] Mm-kay – I had family in town and I knew that because we were having family in town, I needed to take a vacation afterwards and so I pre-planned a little trip down south to not South Carolina but Mexico, and I have some evidence of my trip because I participated in something (chuckles) while I was there And there's photo evidence of it and I'd like to show that to you right now, Stevie – [Link] Oh what? – I don't understand what– – No! – You're participating in – Yep yep

I had a little– – No you didn't – I had a little photo shoot – Okay that's clear – My wife bought me this My wife bought me this outfit, as you can see it is watermelons

Both the top and the bottom, now the left leg is a little different, it has a little speckle of its own, but I put my watermelon leg first like I always do in life (laughs) And took this amazing picture showing off my quads I've been working on – (laughs) What is this? Guys What is this for? – Well the place we were staying, they offered a complimentary photo shoot – No they didn't

– Yes they did And so I said yes please I would like one for myself – Oh my God – Now there are other photos of me and Jessie but I'm not necessarily authorized to show that, she also has a watermelon outfit

No she doesn't She has a normal outfit in those photos – Oh my God – Show the next photo to show Jessie decided to get a photo of Gary Shout out to Gary

Gary is a Mythical Beast and he actually offers complimentary photo shoots to everybody, not just– – You – Me Now you don't have to have a watermelon outfit, but Gary recommends that – Can you go back to– – I love it so much – I don't, yeah, okay

Can you– – Is there more? – I'm just searching for the irony – There is more but Gary charges me $60 for every one that I get – Where is the irony? – Oh my God I would love it so much – Is this serious? – I think I look as well as I've ever looked

– I think you look really great – Yeah yeah I mean this is my 2019 mood #2019mood – [Link] What's that line on your shin? – Well you know what, I'm going to talk to you about that On a podcast

(Stevie and Rhett laugh) – Oh gonna save that for Ear Biscuits? – No, I legitimately, because it has to do with your family – Oh no – That line on my leg has to do with– – Ooh all right – Specifically your wife and I'm gonna leave it at that until the podcast – So therein lies the only irony in you seeming to be a model

You know, funny thing is, I went on a trip to a wintry place – Yeah it was opposites – Opposites, and I also had a little photo shoot – Oh I wish that was so true, but, is it? – It is Look at that

– Oh yes! – [Link] Yes, look at me in the snow – So Gary is also stationed at this National Park – Lando and I, we were in Sedona, Arizona, and– – That is so crazy to me – It unexpectedly dumped seven inches of snow and Lando and I went on a hike afterward and it was absolutely magical Like, if I talk about it any more, I might start crying

It was that magical And I gave Lando my phone and I show him how to compose photos and he loves doing it, so that's a pretty good composed photo I spread my legs – Yeah, power pose – Right

– Good – Gary recommended that – That's all I got, sorry no watermelons – Guys, I know this is weird but I don't have a photo of myself – [Rhett] Oh man! – You didn't do a shoot to start a new year? – I didn't do a shoot but I did meet a lot of awesome Mythical Beasts along my travels

I went home briefly to North Carolina for my grandmother's 93rd birthday, woo! – Oh wow – All right – And I did have a question though because I hung out with friends I haven't seen in over a decade, and they live in North Carolina – Oh you do that – And at one point one of my friends said, "Dang, Judy

" Have you ever heard that slang? 'Cause I said, "There's no one here named Judy," and she was like, "It's a southern saying," that when you hit yourself and be like, "Dang Judy!" And then when you– – I like it – I like it too – I really like it – [Stevie] So she adopted it – I always liked the name Judy

– Yeah Judy, dang Judy She said both, so I feel like we should just adopt both – Yeah how many times did she say it before you– – Just once – Confronted her about it – Just once because the Judy part really got me

The dang part didn't get me so much – You went like, "Oh you do know I'm Stevie? "It's been 10 years but–" – 10 years – I have been in Los Angeles, but I'm not Judy – My other friend goes, "I'm so glad your voice sounds the same" And I was thinking, what could have happened in the 10 years? – [Link] A lot

– [Rhett] But you never had like a redneck accent – Our voices are different, definitely – Well yes, yeah that's true – If you think we sound like rednecks now Rewind

(chuckles) – Usually the teaser doesn't come so late in an episode, but I just wanted to catch up first, catch up And now I will tease the things that are happening in this episode – Oh there's more happening – Number one, I have an announcement It's not gonna take 10 minutes, because I know the Tour of Mythicality stuff took a really long time

This is a big announcement in a short amount of time You'll be very happy about it – Great ratio – I'm also going to show you quite possibly the most scandalous video I've ever shown on LTAT today And I thought that we may be able to provide the Mythical Beasts with some party conversation because it is Saturday and Saturday nights, you know, you get a little social, you might not go to a party, but you see people and there's opportunity to talk to people and I wanted to just help them out, give them some topics to talk about– – Good, good

– So I'm gonna do that – Good – But first, I know how people love change, and this is the first, a second change after the mug of the show We're not gonna do beverage time right now – No! – Because we're going to do rejected GMM snack time

– Oh – So Davin actually came up with this idea I really like it Every week, we knock off some snacks that don't make it into the main episode Sometimes we do more snacks

– Okay – But I figured we should take those things that we don't use for the main show and do them here and I don't know if you remember, but this week we had Will It Milk in which we milked a lot of things that shouldn't be milked (Rhett grunting) – [Rhett] Milk hard! – And so I figured I'd ease you in from the beverage to the rejected GMM snack by giving you a beverage so it qualifies in both categories This was one that Josh really wanted to do I don't wanna tell you what it is before you have it, but Josh, please, I wanted to try the actual milking process because– – It looks so fun? – It looked so fun

– Whoa, she's already gushing – And I needed a GIF of me milking – Yeah Now this is, I see layers, can we stir this? – Do we have a stirring mechanism? – [Rhett] Should we stir it? – Oh gosh I know what it is and I don't know why I set myself up for this But I'm gonna do it

– What is it? – (groans) It's like, it makes it worse to drink it when you have to milk it – Oh gosh – What is it? – Oh God! – It's bread – There's bread involved – Is it chicken and waffles? – No, that's enough

That was easy – You gotta squeeze really hard and your entire face has to turn red (high-pitched grunting) – Oh come on – I'll do it Oh God it smells, you don't smell it? – It smells so greasy

– Do you have a paper towel? – It smells incredibly greasy – No – No? Okay! – No we don't have those around here, Stevie – This is what I call chicken and dumplings When are you gonna tell us what it is? – Oh, a rag that's been– – [Josh] If you want an actual paper towel, we have– – Thank you so much

– I think she wants us to taste it first – [Stevie] Yeah let's taste it, let's dink it – Okay Definitely greasy – And– – Sink it

– Bleh, bleh, bleh! Oh God! – It tastes like a chicken biscuit – It tastes like chicken and dumplings – I think it's better when you don't know what it is – Chicken pastry – It's fish and chips

– What? – Yeah – Oh, yes, I taste it now! – I stand by all the observations I made in the episode When you milk something, you're getting its essence – And I don't have to chew – We could sell this to the astronauts

– Fried chicken without the chewing, astronauts line up Speaking for all astronauts, I will say that this– – Can you please do the NASA salute as you talk, please? – This has potential (laughing) – It smells like a Long John Silver's – From the outside I've never been in one

I've smelled the exterior – I wanna talk about party talk, 'cause this is also a thing I wanna do Maybe it doesn't work, but maybe it does work – Okay – So this is something– – Taking some risks

– I've always done personally If I'm out, I always find myself talking about the show, but then it gets old for me to say, like, "Oh, on my show, this" – Oh you're talking about this show? – No no no I'm talking about GMM – Okay good (Stevie laughs) – I'll bring up a random fact or something and then say like, "Oh did you know this?" and then begin a conversation that way, because it'll be an episode that we just shot or that aired that week

– Yeah – Yeah – So I figured that the Mythical Beasts did the same thing and I didn't want them to have to go back through the week and remind themselves, like these are all the things– – I love it – They could talk about So I'm taking the liberty of doing that for you, so tonight, even if it's like a friend that you're having over for pizza– – Very smart

– These are the things that we did on the show this week that I feel like you could have a conversation socially with someone Josh, could I, could you, could I, could you take this away please? (all laughing) – Can I not have this here right now? – Could you take Long John Silver's away from me right now? – Thank you, I appreciate it – Okay yeah yeah – So Here's what we learned this week, that I feel is applicable for these conversations

You don't wanna get boring You wanna be entertaining So as we talked about, Will It Milk, I think the first thing we, we learned, the first thing we milked is that you can milk anything – [Rhett] Yeah you can – I would just say that at a party

– Okay so you know the scene in Meet the Parents? Does that not come to mind immediately? Anyone in here? Yes, okay, so, Ben Stiller's character is talking about milking cats with the– – Oh yeah – And then Robert DeNiro says, "Oh yeah you can milk anything," or, he says, "You can milk anything with nipples," and then he said, "I have nipples "Can you milk me?" – I remember that – Yes – But the truth is, you don't even need nipples! – No you don't

– You can milk anything! So that's how you enter into that conversation Do it better than I did, but– – But I will say that I did see some comments where people were saying that, guys, I mean, this isn't really milk anymore, because you're just putting water with things – 'Cause there are no nipples – Yeah but I take issue with that – Mm-hm, I do too

Do you wanna say something directly to that person? – Yeah, I don't know who you are I don't know where you come from I don't know what your day went like that day, but, I don't know your background Your opinion's valid You're free to share it with us, but I strongly disagree with it

– Yeah, I would also disagree The next thing we learned this week in our Leaving Things In Champagne episode, if you leave strawberries in champagne, they'll turn white, and the champagne will turn red – I mean do you wanna white-ify a strawberry? We just discovered how – Link, you were very wowed by– – I live for those moments – And this is how you enter into that conversation

The Bruno Mars song That's What I Like, he has the lyrics strawberry champagne on ice People do not like that lyric because they don't think strawberry champagne is a thing I tried to look around, there's a lot of Reddit threads dedicated to this, 'cause is he talking about rose, is he putting strawberries in champagne? Is it strawberries and champagne on ice but he couldn't fit that all in? – I think all that really matters is that that's what he likes – Yeah but we know now what he could have been talking about which is leaving strawberries in champagne for a month – Is it weird that my 10 year old son sang that song Versace On The Floor at karaoke one time? – You talking about Shepherd? No

– Shepherd sang Versace On The Floor? – At karaoke on Thanksgiving (laughs) – [Link] Okay – He knows all the words – Right – Don't know what that says about me as a father

– It seems like the type of thing the son of a person who would do a modeling shoot wearing watermelon motif in Mexico It all goes together in my mind – Okay, all right, good, that makes me feel better – And finally, we did a show about diet fads We learned that if you do eat a tapeworm, the natural remedy is to crush two raw cloves of garlic into milk, boil it and drink it on an empty stomach and repeat every day for a week, but I think the best way to enter into this conversation is by using the D answer, which I really liked before we presented it to Link which is, stick a piece of candy up the anus each day for a week, then at the end of the week when the tapeworm comes out looking for the candy, grab the worm and pull it out

(laughing) That– – Involve a friend – Is a good party conversation – [Link] If you want – You know what, somebody out there should test that and please make a video – Originally I believe we had stick a piece of meat up the anus and then switched it to candy

– Candy, yeah yeah yeah – Both are good Whatever you wanna put in your fake anus (clears throat) – Oh it's fake – For that conversation

– No no no, like metaphorical anus – Okay, okay Okay – Where is your metaphorical anus? (Rhett laughs) – (laughs) Now– – That's how I lead in party conversations – The reason I brought up– – Hi

Where is your metaphorical anus? – Or what is the essence of your metaphorical anus? – That's you, that's more you – That leads perfectly in– – It's metaphorical farts, by the way is what it is – To this next piece which is the announcement but I don't wanna say anything because it has a video, so we're gonna cut to the video and let the video do all of the announcing – [Together] Sumos contando Semper curiosus

Sumos contando Semper curiosus – Hello Mythical Beasts We have a secret for you – Yes, a very secretive secret

– Something we have been planning very secretively in secret – And now the time has come to secretly reveal that secret – But you must promise to keep it a secret – Mythical Beasts, prepare yourselves for incredible access, access to a secret realm of Mythical experiences – [Together] Introducing, the Myth– (both coughing) – Introducing– (coughing) – Are you okay? Do you need to step outside? – I'm fine

(coughs) – Yeah I think that was pretty clear I mean I don't have anything to add to that 'cause I feel like it really said everything it needed to say – Yeah yeah, yep yep I'm not gonna qualify it in any way – Also this week on the show, we gave you grooming products and we had you guess if it was grooming products for a pet or for a human

There was a little bit of glitter involved but I maintained that it was in the gel and that's why I wanted to use it 'cause I thought it was cool in the gel but you still got upset but it's fine – This is gonna be here forever And everywhere else – But that gave Ellie a really great idea, which I in turn thought was a very, very great idea– – Our intern thought? – No, I in turn – Oh you're still interning? (chuckling) That's news to me

– I in turn And that was to take humans to a dog groomer and get humans groomed by a dog groomer And I had remembered this dog groomer from a Tegan and Sara, of course, music video, because she has a major Instagram where she does slo-mo videos of dogs getting groomed and they're like mesmerizing and you can just sit and watch one after another So we contacted her to see if perhaps she would be interested in doing this with us, and she was very much interested, and so we did it (whimsical piano music) – We are here, we are humans and we're hoping to get groomed like dogs

Are you up for that? – Hell yeah – Have you ever groomed a human the way that you groom a dog? – I groomed my husband a few times – What kind of dog has my hair? – I would say you're more of a spaniel – Oh, I always thought of myself as a spaniel (barks sharply) – Oh

– Can you do it one more time? (barks sharply) Oh God – If there's a dog around, they will look for the other dog (barks) – Okay – Do you practice that alone? – I did as a child, yes – Okay cool

– What dog breed do our energies give you? – You have a very calm energy I would say you're more of a bulldog – Wow – Not the skateboarding kind, but like, you know, like a seven year old bulldog that's skated his whole life and now he's retired and he just wants to lay on a pillow – That's accurate and savage

(laughing) – For you– – Give it to me straight – Your energy's like a Min Pin – Oh anything that's small and yappy sounds about right – It's not even yappy, they're just, they wanna please – Should we get started? Where do we start? – Well I wanna give you guys a really mellow, calming, warm spa bath

It actually starts with the bath Come on (all laughing) If you peed in here, just let me know and I'll just– – I wouldn't tell you first of all I am a lady – Please don't

– Okay It's relaxing – Yeah I'm gonna hook you up This is like when I take a shower with my husband, it's like he's enjoying and then I'm just sitting and watching and being cold You guys shower with my husband, you know what it's like

This is actually really fun for me right now – You would make an amazing dog – Okay I'm gonna try a different shampoo on you – Okay – It's an argan oil shampoo

– Wow – Don't worry, you can get argan oil conditioner I won't leave anyone out – Ah! – Do you need? – I'm okay That's so fun to wash now, hey oh! – Take off all my makeup

– You look so like that drunk girl – Why didn't Ty wanna make me his wife? – I love crying It's like my burrito was supposed to have sour cream and they forgot the sour cream and now I can't go back to the Del Taco 'cause– – Oh my God – From vomiting in line – [Ellie] Am a good dog? – Yeah

Why are you so scared? (yelling) Relax Relax Is this stressful? – No – You can feel safe with me – I do

And you're in a room full of 100 people, when 99 don't believe in you, I believe in you – Thank you, Bradley Cooper (laughing) – How fun is this for the crew? Some of the crew dudes watching some girl wash two other girls – Shake it out One, two, three

– One, two, three – Great – I have a migraine now – I think you look great Does it feel like I've rinsed everything? – Yeah

– Okay great – This is my dog inspo – [Jess] Cool, cool – That's my goal – It's doable

– Let's do this (80s pop music) (high-pitched squeal) – Yas! – We should come up with a super catchy hashtag and this is gonna be one of the things that like Bustle and Refinery29 are like, you're never gonna believe the new beauty trend It's called dog hair – Groomer, you hardly know her – [Ellie] (laughs) God

– That's actually really good – All right bye guys – No you should stay – This is the only professional hair care I've gotten in years – [Jess] Oh, I'm so sorry

– [Christine] I don't really color my hair – Do you want a treat? Can you catch? (laughs) Okay you're stunning, next! – My turn! – Yay! – I feel very refreshed, like I'm ready to kind of sniff my own butt – Gonna do a little argan oil – Yeah! That argan oil in there, that sweet, sweet arg arg oil – Can you calm down? – Sorry

(laughing) I look like a To Catch a Predator decoy I'm not gonna get cat call, not gonna get dog whistled (hisses) – Wow, okay Don't make me muzzle you Are we done? – I think that's it

– I mean look at you guys (clapping) I shouldn't clap, 'cause that's like me clapping for myself – My dog's like– (both barking) Anyway, Jess – Yeah, mm-hm – So is there anything about this process that we have missed out on, 'cause I feel like a perfect, pretty puppy

– Me too – You look great There are some things we can do I can express your anal glands – Oh yeah

– No no no no Let's just go straight to the slo-mo, beauty shop portion? I wanna feel like a supermodel (electronic music) (upbeat dance music) (laughs) – Wow – That's a new thing – Yeah it is! We gotta land the hashtag though

– Yeah – [Rhett] I mean I don't think it can be #doghair – Ellie, did you have anything, did you think beyond the dog hair or you need to work on that? – [Ellie] #Doghair works for me – Okay yeah – There you go

– I salute you I salute your efforts – That's all I got today, guys – That was amazing – Wow

– First LTAT back – We're back in it – Done – I tell ya, I am excited about the rest of the year after seeing what is possible – Oh, don't get your hopes up

– I'm also a little– – Which– – Okay, now our final line Until next– – [Together] Next LTAT, keep on BYMB! – F-O S-H-O (poppy electronic music)

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