Ultimate Vegan Sausage Taste Test

– Which vegan brat's the best? – And which one's the worst? – Let's talk about that (funky electronic music) (fire crackles) – Good Mythical Morning

– Today we are joined by actor, writer, and now author of the new book Ronan Boyle and the Bridge of Riddles, it's Thomas Lennon! (crew applauds) – Yo, whoa! Tom! (chuckles) – I did a spit take like I didn't know I was gonna be on your show Of course I knew– – You're here, man – I was gonna be here, I'm here – You're here – It's good to see you

– Goodness, last time we– – Rhett and the other one – Saw you we were clothed and in your hot tub – That's right – Rhett and the other one – Flashback? – If you guys want

– All right – Oh yes! – Okay – Great flashback guys It's fun to be in a flashback with you guys – It was so fabulous and hot

– We know that you're currently living the vegetarian lifestyle – I'm an erstwhile vegetarian I do long chunks as a vegetarian, then sometimes I don't – But you're currently in a stretch right now – I'm in a stretch right now, yeah

– That's good 'cause that makes you the perfect candidate for our goal today, to find the best vegan sausage substitute the world and science has to offer It's time for ♪ Fake meat of mine ♪ ♪ Buh buh buh ♪ ♪ Vegan sausage is it good ♪ ♪ So good, so good ♪ – I wasn't expecting a theme song, guys – Yeah – That was amazing – Only for you, Tom

– Could I tell people you were practicing that before– – No I wasn't – No we weren't – I don't know why and then spoiler You could tell that you practiced it 'cause it looked amazing – So it could be so good

– All right, we're gonna try the leading vegan sausage brands and we're gonna rank them on a scale of one to 10 but because you're a vegetarian, which is, in our minds, almost vegan – Oh yeah, okay – Then you're– – Not in most vegan's minds but– – Yeah that's true – Right – Your score is gonna count twice

– That makes sense – Ours is each gonna count once We're gonna compile all those scores and come up with the best vegan sausage– – Great – Ever – People are gonna throw 'em at us

– That might be arranged – They will come in an interesting way The winner will be crowned Vegan Brian Or it's more of a name tag Let's get to it

– [Rhett and Link] Round one – Now each sausage will be delivered to us via a vegal beagle, it's a dog and a forced rhyme Bring in the vegal beagle (Tom mimics trumpeting) – Oh – Oh

– I doubled up on your music cue, guys, sorry – Did you– – No you were just– – I don't know I just felt it – Project your mouth trumpet into like– – I did – More of a regal trumpet – This is a power that I have

– All right this is the Lightlife Smart Sausage Italian, so everybody grabby grabby their sausage here Soy-based, got some dried vegetables, potatoes, starch, ooh evaporated cane sugar – I'm not kidding when I say it smells amazing – And it has a very meat-like quality – [Link] We're gonna dink our sausages

– It does – Dink 'em – And then we're gonna sink our sausages – [Tom] Oh – Okay once you get in there, very evident that this is– – Not meat

– Imposing – Mm – You know what I'm saying? – It's confusing a little bit – It's a spongy fibrous– – Boy it's real kinky on the inside – Yeah

– It's like– – It's like eating the stuffing from a teddy bear – I feel like this is what somebody on The Sopranos, what their car smells like (Rhett laughs) I don't know, I guess I mean that, I mean that in exactly what I thought You get in the car– – That's right – Okay Paulie Walnuts

– It tastes much better than it feels – Nah I was at the, it tastes better than it feels, you say? – Yeah Doesn't feel good to me – The mouthfeel– – The mouthfeel is real bad (Tom sputters) – I wasn't gonna say real bad

– They're not a sponsor – They're not? – Nope – The mouthfeel's real bad (Rhett and Link laugh) It's really– – I don't mind the taste at all – Taste is great

– I think I'm going with a five – It's a one (Rhett laughs) – God – I'm gonna give it a four – Wow

– You don't know where we're going from here, I mean, you might be going negative – So this was the great one – I don't know either – Again, smells wonderful Smells wonderful, don't you think? – Yeah

– I love the outside of this casing – And you're still giving it a one – We got five, four, and one, and that gives us a total of 11 – [Rhett and Link] Round two – All right bring in the vegal beagle

(trumpeting music) Oh – Oh – It's different music – [Tom] I'm gonna try to get this one like this – He's here, he's here

– Welcome – A little long, a little long Okay, this is– – The beagle, not only does he have a hat, he has poor vision apparently – [Rhett] (laughs) Yeah, right That's why he's attached to a stick

– Okay – He should be led around by Okay this is Amy's Meatless Veggie Sausage It is quinoa and rice, well quinoa, red rice, tofu and potato – Mm-hmm

– Then has a bunch of varied vegetables in there as well – Okay we're gonna dink, well if you bit it, don't dink it – My favorite thing about eating all these, 'cause I'm a bit of a germaphobe, is that there's like eight hipster dudes who handle every one just out of my eye line – That's what we call– – And they're just like rolling them around with their strange mustaches There's just so many weird people have touched this by the time it gets to us

– (chuckles) Welcome to my entire life, Tom – I'm not sure how much of the taste is the thing and from the hipster guys who just handed it– – Hipster hands – Hipster– – Hipster hands, mm – Definitely your microbiome is going to be impacted by whatever is on their fingers – I'll tell ya on the nose, I love it

– And then you bite it and it's crunchy – I love it – Much better texture – I love it – Incidentally, here's a picture of Amy

Actually this is their president of global, Xavier Unkovic He loves sausage and karate – Mm, yeah he does – We've done our research, Tom – Guys, it's exactly the right size, which also makes me realize something I didn't really notice about number one, it was too big

– They were too big – It was too large – It's too big – You don't want a sausage– – This is like, you could sit at the movie and have a bucket of these (Rhett laughs) – I'll take the– – They're great

– I'll take the vegan bucket of hipster handed sausages please – Again, some of this is just the mustache wax that's on it but it's unbelievably good If this is, we're gonna go– – Go for it – Go to the board? – I like it – I've eaten the whole thing

– I legit love it and I'm gonna go It's a nine – Whoa! – Going from one to a nine

– It's a nine out of 10 Yeah – I really like it – I'm giving it a seven – I was gonna say seven, okay

Better texture, but I mean I'm not crazy about it I don't wanna eat it at the movies, that's all I'm saying – [Link] So that brings us to a total of 32 – [Rhett and Link] Round three – Bring in that vegal beagle

(trumpeting music) Okay Yeah You don't have to play the whole, I mean, we get it – All right this is the Tofurky Artisan Sausage Kielbasa – Are you sure it's not just three cigars? – It really feels like three cigars

(Rhett and Link laugh) – Oh man – I'll take the dented one 'cause it's your show This one first of all, so hot, you guys – It's so hot – Wow

– Oh my God Hey, hipster weirdos? (Rhett and Link chuckling) That's like the surface of the sun That was heated up, you ever get like a breakfast item at Starbucks? – Yes – Oh yes, and you have to wait so long – And then those egg things, that's what I'm talking about

– Comes out it's like, this is really hot Does it help to dip it in water? – It could, yeah – Okay ouch – Okay sorry – I think we're gonna get hurt if we eat this, guys

It's too hot – Tofu, roasted poblano peppers, wheat berries – [Rhett] Oh, oh – Smell almost nothing on the nose – [Link] Oh my gosh, it's orange

– We're back to where the first one was in terms of texture – Mm-hmm, it's way too thick It's way too thick and it's– – It's like biting a pillow – I feel like I would like packing peanuts more – We've had those, they're good

– Just regular packing peanuts – Mm-hmm – It tastes like you left a regular sausage in the attic and then moved out and then someone else moved in – Yes – And then, you move back in after they moved out and the sausage was still there and then you ate it

– Did you guys see the King Tut exhibit when it was at the museum? – No I thought about it – If you took a bite out of the actual– – Yeah – King Tut, today – Right – Are you talking mummified Egyptian piece? – Any part, it doesn't even– – I should have put cat in there

That would have made it more palatable – I truly hate it – It's awful – It's horrible – It's really, really terrible

– The fact that it made it through some kind of research and development process and then– – That seems impossible – And then it's on a shelf somewhere – Is it? This is a real item? By the way I actually love their slices I don't work for the Tofurky people but I did have Tofurky, their slices are amazing – On your way in? – Yeah at home

– Oh – I keep 'em at home, I just roll 'em up with yellow mustard It's amazing – Okay – We believe in you Tofurky, but not for this

Zero – We can go zero? I'm gonna go zero on this – I'm gonna go one just so– – Why? – Because that leaves the possibility of going completely zero on another one – And if I'm not mistaken, that brings us to a grand total of– – One – Wow

– [Rhett and Link] Round four – Cue that beagle (trumpeting music) Okay, all right, can we get, thank you – Mm-hmm, all right what is this one? This one is Beyond Meat – Oh

– Yeah – Uh-oh – Okay so we've– – You've heard about the– – The 66 car from North Carolina – We've got great experience with the Beyond Meat company – These people know what they're doing

– This has got water, pea protein, refined, you know what, I'm not gonna read all of the ingredients 'cause that doesn't make it sound good Let's just imagine– – Do it – That it's just sausage – Well they call it Beyond Sausage, the original brat flavor Dink it and sink it

– Okay smells like a brat – [Link] You're right – [Tom] Oh – They've done something with the texture to create a bounciness – It feels bratty

– That you do not get in the other ones – It apparently sizzles identically to a traditional meat sausage according to my notes – Although my question would be can you cook it like a brat, can you cook it in beer? Which would only make it better – Can you cook it in beer? – I like it a lot We'll take your calls

(Rhett chuckles) – We're taking another bite – I wanna keep eating it I wanna keep eating it – I actually really like it – Mm-hmm

– I really like it – It tastes of Boulder, Colorado in a cylindrical casing – That's a good sausage – Yeah and this is by the way, imagine if you put a little interesting mustard on that – Interesting mustard

– Yeah – Not regular mustard – And they've, you make a good point that a brat is not fully a brat until it's mustardfied, so we're really being hard on these brats – Listen, this is pure – We're isolating the flavor

– This is gonna be very, very tough to beat – Yeah – Very tough – You've already given that a nine – We might have to bust the top of your scale

– We'll go 10 – Oh – I'm gonna go 10 on the Beyond Meat– – He's respecting the scale – I won't break the scale but I believe it's really, really solid – I'm going nine

– Yeah, maybe there's something out there, I'm also going nine Bringing us to a 38 – [Rhett and Link] Round five – Okay I'm gonna ask you to bring the dog in but I would just prefer if you didn't even start the music Bring the dog out

(trumpeting music) ♪ Brickety doo ♪ – Come on! ♪ Dee dee dee ♪ – You just couldn't help yourself! Look, he's eating one of the sausages – [Tom] He is, I'm gonna fight him for it Fight him for it, give me that, give me that Who's a good boy, who's a good– (Link mimics dog grumbling) (Tom chuckles) Three adult men (Link mimics dog grumbling) Oh you give me that

Who's a good, who's a good beagle? – Okay – Oh – Morningstar Farms Original Sausage Patties – Now Morningstar, they've been in the vegetarian's– – [Tom] They've been at it for a minute – Meat game for a long time

– They've been inside vegetarian for– – 30 years Or however long, so we got water, gluten, soy protein, egg white, spices It's pretty simple – Smells good – It smells nice and spicy

Can I say this and I mean this in the best possible way? It smells like when you're a kid and you walk in a McDonald's, that kinda smell that like, everything's cooking at one time– – Oh it does have something like that – And like a, yeah – Nostalgia – Lardy, (chuckles) childhood lard – Lardy nostalgia

You are right Dink it, sink it Taste it – Oh, oh that's good That's really good

– That's impressive – That's pretty good – Oh man – It's interesting 'cause this is, the brat was trying to be a brat – Yeah

– This is a– – It's a breakfast sausage – They're winning with the spices – Guys – I got a good number for it – I love this

– I like it – I do not like it as much as the Beyond – [Tom] I don't either – But I do like it – I like it a lot

– I like it so much I'm going to the top of my scale Tippety top all the way to 10 – I think it's a solid eight – I went nine before so– – Hey should we point out this one has egg whites so it's not really vegan – Oh

– Yeah – That's why I like it so much – That's why you like it so much – So this is vegetarian but it's not technically vegan – Okay well I can only still give it the score I'm gonna give it based on taste

– Which is? – Eight Bringing us to a grand total of 34 – And so with an overall score of 38, the vegan sausage champ and the title of Vegan Brian goes to Beyond Original Brat – Woo! Hit the music, no, don't Oh yes, do, don't, ah

(Tom mimics trumpet) Look at that – Who's good? Who's good, who's good? Who's good? – Let's put this right on there – Right on – Wrap it up – Thank you Thomas Lennon for stopping by

Make sure you get his new book It's Ronan Boyle and the Bridge of Riddles on sale now – Get 'em together, can you get all both together? – Yeah all in one shot That's an amazing– – Showbiz This feels like show business, guys

– [Link] Right, we're doing it – Thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing Now you say you know what time it is – You know what time it is! – What's up? My name's Josh Hill and we're in the mountains of South Africa and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality! – I love the energy (laughs) Click the top link to watch us taste top vegan mayo in Good Mythical More

– And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land (Rhett grunts) – [Rhett] Our summer tour is officially on sale today You can see us live in concert June 21st through the 30th and you can see all the tour dates at RhettAndLinkLivecom

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