Ultimate MRE Taste Test

– Are these MREs Y-U-M? – Let's talk about that (alarm rings) (playful theme music) (fire blasts) (Link exhales sharply) – Good Mythical Morning! – If you're in Toronto, New Jersey or Connecticut November 8th, 9th, or 10th, come see us on the Tour of Mythicality

Get your tickets now before they're gone by going to tourofmythicalitycom – We're gonna be on a stage, you're gonna be out there We're gonna connect It's gonna be, phew, gonna be something

– Yeah, something – Don't miss it – Something – Now Rhett you are a low key doomsday prepper, right? – Who told you that? Was it them? – No, it was you You told me that, many times

Anyway, you and your type have something in common with the brave men and women that serve the armed forces and that thing are these little vacuum-sealed meals called MREs – Yes, MREs stands for meals ready to eat but to people in the military, we've heard, can also be known as meals rejected by everyone More retching everywhere My rectum's inflamed (chuckles) Meals refusing to exit

Marine rectal escape – Meals ready to expel Meals rarely enjoyed Meals rejected by the enemy and meals requiring an enema – Mm

– So naturally, we're gonna try a bunch of this food and rank the best MRE Now we love the troops, but do we love their food? It's time for– ♪ I don't know but I've been told ♪ ♪ These MREs taste worse than mold ♪ ♪ Sound off ♪ – Okay, now all of these MREs are produced for the United States military, but we recently ranked– – I think you might be overdressed – You gotta carry your spoon, your knife, your fork Your salt and pepper and your hanky somehow – I'm suddenly jealous

– We recently ranked the Jim Bakker buckets because, well, it's a similar thing, but these are ready to eat so I think maybe they'll taste better – Okay, ready Okay here's what we're gonna do We're gonna get started by showing you how these are heated So they're ready to eat meaning that everything you need is right here, including the heating element that Link is gonna demonstrate right now

This is spaghetti with beef and sauce and we're gonna eat this one last because the rest of them had been prepared for us all the way heated up but this one's gonna heat while we taste the other ones – So water hits this thing and it start to make it hot – Yeah, science! – This is the heating element, and this is the food element – Oh that looks tasty – I'm gonna eat the food, you're gonna eat the heating element

– Can't wait to get into that bag – So you put both of those down in there and then you're supposed to fill it not above this line It's got a particular– – A predetermined amount of water– – Dosage of water here that I'm gonna add, and then– – So it's going above the do not overfill but that's just because we've premeasured it Everything's gonna be okay– – Don't worry! – Don't panic! – Just chill out Just, and then, I'm gonna put this in here

See we're like– – It's like a Hot Pocket – Out in the wild, you know, you find yourself a rock, put this right here It's gonna take about 10 minutes I'm gonna put it over here on the edge of frame and that's it, it's heating – Yes

– And while it's heating, we're gonna taste some other meals that the crew has already warmed up for us – And then we're gonna rank them on this board behind us on a scale of six to one Starting with monstrous repulsive excrement Massive rectum evacuation Mouth rejects entirely

Mediocre, really, eh Mm! Really exceptional, and, makes Rhett ecstatic, and Link – And me Oh, I'm hearing this thing scizzle, scizzle, scizzle Let's get the first one out here

– [Rhett And Link] Round one – We got the beef taco filling We've got the Santa Fe rice and beans And we've got– – Tortillas, plain – Let's put the beef taco filling on first, right? – Listen, we're not using plates because they wouldn't have those

– Look at that – This is pretty amazing That tortilla– – Wow! – Is supple It smells good – All right, so hold that

I'm just gonna dippity-do-dah – Just put it in front of you there – All right – Okay that's probably enough – [Link] Generous

And then some more right there – And this is another thing we gotta put on there? – Yeah that's beans and rice, man – You know what, it's a very appropriate temperature – Oh you're gonna do some squeezey-squeeze? – [Rhett] I'm just gonna squeezey – Oh yeah

– Oh look at that That's tasty – Looks cheesy – Break it off – It said beans and rice, but maybe it's just the, I like how we're being very reverent

– Yes We don't want the enemy to hear us – Okay so now we get– (chuckles) Now we're gonna taste it Dink it and sink it That's great

– It's pretty good, man (crew laughs) – Now anything with beans you're gonna like You don't have to like it as much as you are, but I know you are because this is some good stuff, man – Both the things are really good on their own – So should we? – I gotta pace myself

These MREs are really gonna do me right – I definitely can't say this mouth rejects entirely I mean, this is a pretty negative scale Gotta start with– – That's really exceptional! – Exceptional right there – It is really exceptional

Not lying! – Yes! – [Rhett And Link] Round two – Now we're moving along to chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce That's catchy! – Mhm Hey Sarge, give me some of that chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce! – Oh did you mean the chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce? – Yeah! The chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce – Maybe we should call it CNVS

– I bet they do, they like to do acronyms of things All right– – CAN– (chuckles) CANWVIS would be can-woov-is Can-woos-vis – Now this sir is an interesting amalgamation of pouch Food

– Hold on I don't see chicken, I see noodles I see vegetables, I see sauce And I eat it – (chuckles) I see happiness

– No no no no Not as good, Sarge – Not great, Sarge Lieutenant Lieutenant not great

– It has a metallic taste to it like it's been left in there for too long These are all relative, we bought these new They were manufactured recently – This is like lower quality than like that medium quality dog food that I feed Jade – Yeah, I think my mouth reject– – It has human looking pieces

– My mouth rejects this entirely I don't know if it's gonna cause a massive rectum evacuation because it's too early to know, but eventually, something will – [Rhett And Link] Round three – I don't see how you could screw up chili with beans It definitely feels like the kind of thing that you put in a pouch that you slightly warm, put it next to a rock and then enjoy

– Well it's speaking your love language – Look at that – Which is just beans – Oh gosh It's a lot like the chili that went into the taco

In fact, if I was a betting man, I might say– – (chuckles) Right – That the chili with beans and the beef taco filling are one and the same – It's got a different seasoning – It's sweeter – More of a spicy, sweeter thing

I'll say it's not as good as the beef taco filling from that, which we have at number two – I did go back in already though – It's not bad at all – My mouth is not rejecting it Eh, I kinda feel like it's a meh

Mediocre really, but it's actually somewhere better than mediocre, but we don't have an option for that So we're gonna put it right here at number three – Totally agree – [Rhett And Link] Round four – Hey Sarge, I'm a vegetarian

Can you give me that vegetarian option which is vegetarian taco pasta parenthetically vegetable crumbles with pasta in taco-style sauce? – Oh, you're talking about the vegetarian taco pasta parenthetically vegetable crumbles with pasta in taco-style sauce? – Yeah, exactly – I've got one! – Vegetarian taco pasta parenthetically vegetable crumbles with pasta in taco-style sauce – Here's the problem, son Chad already ate the vegetarian taco pasta, the vegetable crumbles with pasta taco-style sauce because we only had one! – Was that the parenthetical one though? – Yeah, here's the thing Micah told us, 'cause he did the research on this, that typically you get a box of 12, and there's usually one vegetarian option, so I think the thing is is if Chad's already there, (chuckles) he's gonna eat your vegetarian taco pasta

So you better get it quick! – It smells like school supplies I mean like– – That's not a bad thing – Pencils – That's not a bad thing at all – Paper, a little bit of glue

I'm really not loving those vegetable crumbles – Well again– – What is that? – It's the same flavor base as what we just ate – Yeah, this is gonna get redundant – Yeah I was excited about this whole MRE thing when this started and now I'm growing tired of it after four

– Yeah, this actually has a, there's no powder involved but it has a powdery kind of experience in my mouth – Is it worse than the chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce? I think it might be and it definitely is more likely to cause of massive rectum evacuation, so put it up there on number five, Charles! – Yep, do it – [Rhett And Link] Round five – This is a two-parter It's not just the brisket entree

We also have the au gratin potatoes, which is very fancy – Oh, now we're talking What is au gratin anyway? Is that something you put on a potato or is that how you prepare a potato? – I don't know – It's just something you say – Yeah

– When you're in combat – Oh, that has a dog food waft to it – Yeah it does Ew – This is from a man who's eaten a lot of dog food

– This just has a cheesy, that smells good That's gonna cover up a world of dog food – It kinda has a cheesy pastiness to it though Like a camp cheese (Link mimics whip striking) – Okay

– You wanna go for the dog food first? – I'm more of a mix it man – Don't defile my gratin Are you gonna defile my gratin? – I'm only gonna define my gratin – [Rhett] Oh gosh – Well, I'm gonna defile the whole pouch I guess

I'm eat it together – Mm, man, we started so strong – That's tough – That is not great – Tough to eat

– Let me get some of that defiled gratin – It doesn't help I mean it would be better if they just made it devoid of flavor Instead they gave it some sort of anti-flavor wrongness – Wow, that is rough in lots of ways

– I readily admit, if you're in a combat situation, last thing you're thinking about is, how good is my au gratin, or even, what the hell is au gratin? (Rhett chuckles) – Yeah, also, when you're out and about, the closest that I have to this is just camping which is know is not really a military situation, but things taste better when you're camping, when you kinda deprived yourself from the comfy parts of life Oh so you think this is better than the vegetarian stuff? – But this is still not good if you're camping – [Rhett] They're both real, real bad – So I mean, this is real, real bad, but I don't think it's as bad as chicken and noodles with vegetables and sauce Yes it is

– Yeah, it is, yeah It's worse than that, here we go – It is worse than that – Once you get down here, it's just all a blur – Brisket entree gets your hopes up, but then (whacks table) slams you down into those things that military people dig

Ditches, what are they called? – Trenches – Trenches – [Rhett And Link] Round six – This is how you clean your spoon in the trenches – [Rhett] You gotta have a paper towel? – You just wipe it with a, yeah, I could wipe it with my camo thing, but I'm not gonna do that

All right, now we're getting to the one that we cooked right here before your very eyes – Yeah Got some pride going on in this one We took care of it ourselves! – I mean it's been the right amount of time, but it doesn't seem that warm – I feel like it's good enough

For what it is It feels about normal Break it out – Okay – Spaghetti with beef and sauce

You know, they could just go like one extra step to name these something that sounds appetizing I mean maybe it's an advantage just to tell you exactly what it is It's just spaghetti with beef and sauce, Chad Shut up! You don't even eat beef, Chad! – Now, I mean, this doesn't look any different than like the spaghetti I would eat in grade school which I loved – Oh, you remember in October it would be scary spaghetti? (chuckles) – Yes

But it would be the same– – Same exactly spaghetti And every time I saw it on my refrigerator at home, I was like, "Mom, it's scary spaghetti!" (crew laughing) – Dink it I like it – Hold on, but just, what is that metallic taste that's happening? Because– – There's money in the bottom – Smoke! – Smokes? – Is that supposed to happen? Sarge, was that supposed to happen? – Oh gosh, it stinks too

It's like napalm, man We been cooking with napalm – No, probably not It tastes like, I mean, Chef Boyardee– (Link gasps fearfully) Chef Boyardee would be better than that You know what I'm saying, just a straight up Chef Boyardee

Why can't they just take Chef Boyardee and put it in pouches? – I don't know, I don't have that type of clearance – You really like this? I don't even want another bite And I'm the guy that likes scary spaghetti – It's middle-of-the-road I think all this is gonna shift forward

– I think it's better than, yeah, right here It's not better than the chili with beans or the taco – Move the beef taco filling Let's nestle it in third place So, sorry vegetarian taco pasta parenthetically vegetable crumbles with pasta in taco-style sauce, you're the big loser today

– And the winner of course is tortillas, comma, plain, with beef taco filling and Santa Fe style rice and beans, all mixed together You should probably come up with a catchier name for that because it's real good – Thank you for your service – And thank you for liking, commenting and subscribing – You know what time it is

– Hi, I'm Aaron Wygen – And I'm Kevin Pascline – And we're in the Middle East – [Together] It's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality – Yeah! – Nailed it

– Yeah! – Thank you both for your service Click the top link to watch us taste more MREs, including sides, drinks and desserts in Good Mythical More – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land – [Rhett] Take a walk on the weirder side with these Mythicali-tees Get them all at mythical

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