Travel Nightmares Rant | THE BIG BLOWUP

– I declare my love for Rihanna (upbeat music) – You may be planning your big summer vacation right now, but you know what? When there's travel, there's frustration, there's hassle, but it's much better to vent it now before the trip so that you can enjoy yourself when the summer starts

– So we're about to express our travel rage, just get it out of our system, and since this is such a serious subject, we're doing it with helium – It's time for the Big Blow Up, Travel Edition We only got one rule, you can only rage as long as the helium lasts, so let's start complaining – I hate how small the bathrooms are on airplanes I'm a very tall person, it's almost impossible to enjoy a nice, relaxing bath

– I hate when they make me turn my phone off during take-off, my phone is my emotional support object and I can't relax without it – I hate how they only give you leis when you land in Hawaii I'd enjoy going to Detroit so much more if I could just wear some flowers around my neck – I hate it when the confiscate my bottle of Pert Plus shampoo and conditioner at security I was gonna drink that on the plane! – I hate when I cross the border and the guards ask me if I have anything to declare, and then act all surprised when I say "I declare my love for Rihanna

" (crew laughs) – I hate when the captain says to check out the amazing view on one side of the plane I can't see anything because I'm seated on the other side so I have to walk across the aisle and lay across a row of people just to get a good view – I hate when I'm Lyfting to the airport and my driver asks me where I'm going Why do you want to know? Are you planning to follow me there? Who sent you, who do you work for? Let off right now, Braxton (inhales) – I hate it when the passenger next to me takes off his shoes and then his pants

– I hate when you're on a long road trip and the kids in the back won't stop crying It's like, hey kids, you shouldn't ask me to put on a movie if you didn't want to watch Schindler's List – I hate it when the people you're sitting next to on the plane is the guy you used to shoot an internet talk show with and he insists on taking a picture of you sleeping with your mouth gaped open and then he posts it on the Instagram (dings) – Sorry about that I'll do it again

– Multiple times! (dinging) – I hate when airport security asks me to go through the body scanner but gets mad when I take my clothes off, curl into a ball, and pretend I've been sent from the future to find a newborn child (crew laughs) (inhales) – I hate it when the Airbnb you rented isn't ready in time and there's still a couple staying there and they claim I have the wrong address and I didn't rent their place I just can't fall asleep when they're standing over the bed screaming at me You know what, you should have rented the place longer if you loved it so much, I'm gonna call the owner (crew laughs) (inhales) – I think that was very therapeutic

I feel better – Next we're tasting the best and worst discontinued candies, including one that's at least 50 years old (laughs) Whew – [Rhett] What to hear us whisper sweet nothings into your ear? Go download the newest Ear Biscuits podcast on Apple Podcast and wherever you get your podcasts

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