March Milkness Taste Test: Healthy Cereals

– Today we're looking for a clean bowl of health – Let's talk about that

(funky electronic music) (fire crackles) Good Mythical Morning – And what a Mythical morning it is because we have yet another show-down of cereals for March Milkness, our tournament to name the best cereal in America – Yesterday we took on the sugary region and Cinnamon Toast Crunch advanced to a spot in the final four and today, we're giving our bodies a break from the sugar so we can taste some adult cereals AKA the healthy ones – Welcome to day two of March Milkness Eight healthy cereals are about to face off in a series of head to head battles, each one vying to snag a spot in the final four by squeezing the Grape Nuts out of their competition

It's time for March Milkness: Healthy Region – Just to recap, you can take a look at our humongously huge, hugely humongous breakfast bracket board You'll see that we've got four cereal regions, that's sugary, healthy, fruity and chocolatey And you guys voted on your top eight from each category and we seeded them into our bracket and today we're determining which healthy cereal we'll send to the final four – And when we use the word healthy, we realize that none of these cereals are very healthy, but we mean cereals that are low in sugar, calories, preservatives and contain healthy things like fiber and protein

– The eight seeds for the healthy category are Cheerios – Shredded Wheat – Life – Corn Flakes – Rice Krispies

– Kix – Special K – [Rhett] And Rice Chex – Let's get healthy (bell rings) – We're starting with the top-ranked seed in this category with 14,662 votes, Cheerios versus the lowest ranking seed with 3,385 votes, Shredded Wheat

That sounds tasty – So I call these Honey Nutless Cheerios – Yeah – Look at that – I just think about little babies with Ziploc bags

You know what I'm saying, it's like, you give these to very small children who are learning how to use their– – Listen be honest, you're just constantly thinking of little babies with Ziploc bags – Hmm, no, I quit thinking about them a long time ago and I lost the ability to think about them about a year and a half ago when I got (clicks tongue) – Oh So they were created in 1941, whereas Shredded Wheat was created by Henry Perkins You know the Perk, back in 1890

– 1890, that's a long time ago – 1890, and when they first came out, they were recommended by the Chicago Vegetarian Magazine to be used as soup croutons So you know they're gonna be good – Oh my – They're not good

I'm not gonna argue with you The Cheerios, though not sweet, do have a redemptive taste – Yeah they're not bad – And therefore, should move on – Yeah, Cheerios

Moving on – Way to go Alex, look at you, reppin' it up Whistle? – Whistle (blows whistle) – Oh you got a little bit better – Yeah I'm improving

(bell rings) – 63 votes separate our middle seeds Life with 6,846 versus Corn Flakes with 6,783 You do the math Well I already told you the math – Okay Life has been around since, well life has been around for billions of years, but this cereal has been around since 1961

Quaker Oats company came in there Back when they launched it, their slogan was, the most useful protein ever in a ready-to-eat cereal – Protein, huh? – That is interesting – It is, man – It's got like a Matrix quality to it, like– – Like the mouthfeel of it

– It's not a crunch but it's not a chew – It's like a crush It's like you're crushing it, and then– – It's got a good flavor – The source of Life is in this bowl – This is the most useful protein ever

– Kellogg's Corn Flakes– – In a ready-to-eat cereal – Been around since 1906 If you take the frosting off of Frosted Flakes, I think you'll end up with one of these Astronauts on Apollo 11 took it into space, man – Hmm

– That's rather bland – That's Frosted Flakes without the frost – This is crappy flakes, this is surprisingly awesome Life, woo! Give it to 'em – Man, moving on, oh gosh

– [Link] Who knew? – Next up, it's the three seed with 10,181 votes Rice Krispies versus the sixth seed with 5,249 votes, Kix – Okay, you know we gotta get that snap, crackle, and pop – I think it's more right when you pour the milk – I can hear it

– It's a little bit in there – Yeah it's like Pop Rocks before Pop Rocks – Now the only time I ever ate Rice Krispies was in the variety packs, you know what I'm saying, you get a variety pack that's just got it in there – Yeah you mean after you've eaten everything else in the variety packs? – It's very crispy But it's an easy crisp, you know what I'm saying? – It's a gentle crisp

– It's a gentle crunch I like it – It's like an easy lover That should be the slogan Snap, Crackle and Pop, those three guys are easy lovers

– I'm sure that'll go over well – Casanova edition All right so Kix came about in 1937, but in 1947, they introduced the prize in their box which was according to my notes, a long, lone ranger – A long ranger – Lone ranger

Different guy – That's a different thing – Lone ranger – Don't watch it I watched the whole series

(laughs) – What I was trying to say was (clears throat), now I'm choking up – The Lone Ranger Atomic Bomb ring? – Yeah Lone Ranger Atomic Bomb ring that included trace amounts of the chemical polonium which they assured was perfectly safe, which is 100% not perfectly safe – So is it still in there? – Well the slogan is kid tested, mother approved but what that means is moms don't know what polonium is – How are these different than Pops? – Well there are different configurations – It almost tastes like popcorn

Like it's super corny – It's like eating just crisp, floaty corn – It's too corny for breakfast – Long ranger versus the easy lover – There's no competition

– Sentimental reasons alone, I'm gonna push Rice Krispies over the top – I would say taste as well – Good one – Let's send Rice Krispies up – Thanks for that angle, Alex

(bell rings) Our number two seed with 11,133 votes, Special K, versus the seventh seed with 4,444 – Whoa – Four four four four four votes Rice Chex – Okay Special K making a really strong showing

I wouldn't have expected that – It's a bubbly flake, I did not know that – Do you know what the K stands for? – Knives – Kellogg's – Kellogg's

Knapsack Dink it You know what, the aftertaste isn't bad though It's ricy – It's pretty bland

– Speaking of rice, Rice Chex introduced in 1937 One of the co-creators of Chex was a guy named Webster Edgerly who was also the founder of a cult called Ralstonism, which promoted beliefs of longevity, telethapy, and sexual magnetism – Edgerly had a little edge to him – Let's see if we can experience some sexual magnetism – You think it made it into the Chex? Chex for sex

(crew laughs) I mean Chex for better sex – You've had this with other items in like a party mix I don't know if I've ever thought to myself, I just wanna return this to a bowl with milk – It doesn't really stand on its own, does it? This is like, we're the bottom of the barrel all the way around – Yeah, are we in cereal prison all of a sudden? – I mean both of these are pretty bland

I don't know which one is worse I think we might need a tie-breaker – Agreed – [Rhett] Introducing the founder of Cuddle Sanctuary, she's the thug of hugs, the smuggler of snugglers It's Cuddle Queen Jean Franzblau

(crew applauds) – All right – Hello! – Hey Jean! – Hop on in, Jean – So nice to be back – Good to see you again – Welcome to the show

– Thank you – We need your help because we have reached an impasse here in cereal prison – (laughs) Okay – We need to let one of these forward So let's see, did you bring your own spoon? – I did

Yeah! – She's got her own spoon – BYOS – You're a professional spooner – Hey! – Oh my gosh You've got a very quick mind

– So we've got the Special K over here and we've got Chex, the Rice Chex over there – Have a go at it Start anywhere you want – Yeah just– – Verbally process – These are the choices? – Yeah

– (chuckles) Yeah, this is it – All right, so Special K – You ever had it? – Yeah, I remember the commercial about tennis My parents don't do tennis – Do tennis

– You remember? – Uh-uh – I remember they had, there was always a lady in the commercials – The K stands for krinkle cut fries – First of all, meh – Right

– Second of all – Well Pace yourself on the meh because– – We gotta meh from Jean on the Special K – No wonder you had to bring me in – (laughs) I'm telling you

Something's wrong! – All right so Jean, we need a buzzer beater answer from you in– – [Rhett and Link] Five, four, three, two, one! – Special K! – Special K? Tennis! – All right – All right Alex, you've heard it Ba-lam, look at that – Thank you, Jean – You are so welcome

– For breaking the tie – My pleasure Goodbye – All right, see ya – And goodbye

– Thanks for your services – You're welcome (bell rings) – Okay we've got the number one seed Cheerios versus the number four seed Life – So last time we were just surprised by Life breathed into us But this is a classic

– I don't hate it, I just don't feel like it's for me I'm an adult man, I don't have to wear diapers – It's got a great shape, it's got a great crunch The taste is fine, but the bee's missing, man – Yeah it needs something else but Life? In its purest form

– Here's the thing with Life They've snuck sugar into this thing – There's more sugar than we've been led to believe that is in Life – Mm-hmm – You know what? Life is full of surprises

– That's true – You know? Sometimes you get more sugar than you thought you were gonna get Sometimes you bite into something, you're like, how did they create this Matrix situation that maintains a special crunch that's not really a crunch, it's more of a crush? You think they understand what they've done? – When I'm living life, I don't ask any questions Alex, you see where this train's headed To Life town

Yeah! – Life is so good – Life is good (bell rings) – Okay we got the Rice Krispies – Snap, cracklin' and poppin' versus the cuddle queen of Special K All right I'll go in here again

– It's not, I mean, this is good I don't wanna add anything to it, man – Don't you wanna add sugar? – No, I don't think it needs sugar I like it just like it is, I'm being honest I'm not even gonna taste Special K

You know what the K stands for? – Koochie, hoo (chuckles) Koochie coo like a baby – Kellogg's – Kellogg's – Kellogg's

– I don't know, this has got some poppiness to it – No it's horrible – When you taste the taste that it's tasting – It's like eating a byproduct It doesn't taste like anything

This tastes like an intentional, and it's got such a great crunch it's maintained so well – I actually think they both have a similar taste I would say, but again– – I think you're wrong – This one speaks, it just speaks to me Literally, and I think that it's got a fun box

So that's what puts it over the top for me – Rice Krispies moving on – [Link] Look at that (bell rings) – Okay our final match-up between Life and Rice Krispies – What? Wasn't listening to you

I was listening to the Krispie – It's quite interesting that this has been missing all my life, you know? – You know who likes this? Mikey Remember the ad? Mikey likes it – Mikey – Mikey likey

Mikey's a old man now – I never trusted Mikey though All those campaigns – Should have listened to Mikey – All those commercials are like, that kid doesn't know what he's talking about

Turns out the whole time I should have been listening to Mikey Think about how my life could have turned out different – I'm lovin' the Life man I'm just, I'm big on Life Rice Krispies

It's a unique, unlike any other thing on Earth kind of crunch – This is like the battle of the textures 'cause this is something that was created in the future They did this in 1961 It's when they were thinking about space, man This– (coughs) Gosh

This was designed for space – Well if you die, I'm just voting for Life – This is why we got to the moon You know, this is how we got to the moon They did this in the 20s, before the whole world fell apart

– I mean, it just, it can't stand up to the sugar plus the texture plus the space ageyness (chuckles) And it's got a great name Life Life, who's gonna hate on Life? – That's what they were thinking It works on so many levels

– Mm-hmm – I feel like my life is made better because of it – And there you have it, people The winner of the healthy region is– – [Rhett and Link] Life! – There you go, wow So unexpected

I didn't even know what Life looked like– – Good work, Alex – Before I tasted Life And it won! – Give us a whistle blow (blows whistle) Woo! – Make sure to come back tomorrow 'cause we're gonna determine a winner from our next region of cereal, fruity – Ooh, thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing

– You know what time it is – Hi it's Ben from Memphis, Tennessee, and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality Grizzlies, yeah, sports, yes – Yes All right, click through to watch us try some 22 year old Jurassic Crunch cereal in Good Mythical More

And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land – I like to have fun – [Link] The Tour of Mythicality special is available now on YouTube, iTunes, Amazon, and a wide variety of platforms including most cable TV providers

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