Hater Comment Therapy: Cotton Candy Randy

– Do you know what to do when life gives you haters? – Yeah, you hold the hater's mouth open and you put a live snake in there using barbecue tongs – And that is what we are going to be doing today

(poppy electronic music) Welcome to Let's Talk About That, the show about the show I'm Stevie and I wish I could fly but pixie dust makes me sneeze This week's guests had me at hello, we will pay you to make YouTube videos Please welcome Rhett and Link (scattered clapping) – [Link] You make it sound so cheap! Our relationship

(Stevie laughs) – No I remember that day fondly in my heart when we went to Crave – Crave – When we went to that thing I totally remember Guys, it's cold in here It's so cold in here

– (laughs) I love it! – Yeah – I'm showing a little too much ankle for the weather in here – The weather in LA right now is crisp, it feels like fall It took awhile to get here but here we are, but then I walked into the studio this morning and I was like, oh God, I'm so cold! – We haven't gotten to the bottom of exactly who– – Oh we will – Yeah

– That's gonna be on the next LTAT I also had one of those moments– – We have a camera on the thermostat, because– – Yeah, I think we should – Are you wearing a miniature horse shirt? – I am, thank you for noticing I'm wearing it in layers 'cause I'm freaking cold (Rhett laughs) – You got on four of 'em

(chuckles) – I also had one of those moments, you know how thermoses used to be, they used to keep things warm but like kinda warm and we thought that was what thermoses did – Right – But now thermoses keep things scalding hot – Yeah, thermos technology has really advanced – Yeah, it's happened to me a couple times, I had a sip of my coffee, have you ever done this, and literally there's a split second in your mind where you're like can I swallow this or does it need to come out? And this morning I had a sip of my coffee and then just opened my mouth and all of it went all over the counter, it was so hot

– Did you spit it or just release it because when that happens to me, it's like, (grunts) – I had to release – It's not like a projectile thing, it's more like a flowing, like (groans) So more stuff burns like– – You feel shame – I burned my chin, my neck, my goozle before

– I typically don't injure myself with food Link does all the time I stay away from thermoses – Thermoses are the devil But you know, you know what's not the devil, the things we're gonna be talking about today? – Good segue

(Stevie laughs) – Angels – So let me give you kind of a recap of– – Satan was an angel, I believe – That's true – A fallen angel – Okay

Well we're also gonna talk about– – So I take that back, I retract my statement – Another angel today I wanna talk about the Tooth Fairy, which is why I picked that pixie dust intro, so we're gonna talk about the Tooth Fairy– – Is the Tooth Fairy an angel? – I don't think so – I think he's probably a– – Let's come back to that – Oh it's a he

Also, in the– – Yeah I played him one time – In the Tooth Fairy realm, we're gonna be talking about, I've sat down with somebody who we know who you love, who you don't quite love and we had to work through some of his daddy issues – (chuckles) Oh – So we'll get to that later But I am so excited today because we have our very first LTAT sponsor on the show! – [Rhett] All right! – With Audible, so guys, Audible is offering everyone watching a free audiobook when you start a 30 day trial

All you have to do is go to Audiblecom/ltat, LTAT, or text LTAT to 500-500 to download a free title and start listening The link is in the description below Audiblecom/ltat, that's the first URL usage of El-tat, LTAT

– It wasn't taken, huh? – Yeah, I guess not – Also this will be my first usage of texting 500-500 – Yes! I love that as well – Yeah that sounds like a lot of fun – I've done that

– But I'm excited because it's our first sponsor but I'm also excited because I don't know if you know this about me but my favorite activity nowadays, and this is very basic, I understand, is to read And that's like– (Rhett and Link laugh) – I'm so basic! – I like to read – No but you know, it's very like 30 year old white girl– – Don't make reading uncool – I understand – Don't make it basic

– But I pick a book, it's usually lesbian fiction You can read lesbian fiction if you want but you don't have to – Okay – And I get a glass of wine If it's in the evening, it's red wine, if it's in the morning, a rose

– It's fiction with lesbians – Yeah, but sometimes you don't have the time to sit down and dedicate six hours to reading a book, so Audible's perfect 'cause I listen to books on the ride in to work, I listen to books if I'm going anywhere, I need to multitask and I can't have my glass of wine – Hey, you don't have to tell Rhett (Stevie laughs) He's constantly listening to books – I may not do thermoses, but I do Audible

– I get in the car with Rhett and he's like seven chapters into a book and he just expects me to just start listening right there – Yeah – I like it – Come along for the ride, brother – And then I'm just asking him about it

– Yeah, makes me feel like the author – Here's my preferred audio listening genre: humor, and I have a specific request for the audience to go and listen to this book Have you guys read anything by David Sedaris? Essentially all his books are a collection of essays My favorite is called Me Talk Pretty One Day He also has one called Naked which I really like, but Me Talk Pretty One Day is like a good starter place to go but the other thing is like, he reads all of his own books and so it adds this additional layer of humor to everything and he's such an interesting dude and I highly recommend Me Talk Pretty One Day

So we've established you can listen to humor You could listen to lesbian fiction if you want If you're an Audible member, every month you get one credit good for any audiobook you choose, plus two Audible originals, and of course, your books are yours to keep so again, go to Audiblecom/ltat or text LTAT to 500-500 to download a free audiobook when you start a 30 day trial and the link is in the description That's Audible

com/ltat LTAT or as we say, El-tat around here – [Rhett] Yeah, that's what we say – Stevie just did a sponsorship! How does it feel, how did that feel? – It feels so good! It's gonna feel better if you guys go to that URL and support the show – Don't beg, don't beg, let's– – Okay

– Just let it simmer – You gotta keep it classy, Stevie – But now of course the part that you all really love, by you all I mean you – Us all – The beverage of the week

– Yes! – This week, juice – Perfect! – Wow – There you go There's your juice – Looks like a pureed pumpkin

– You found a lot of it – Cheers (glass clinks) – Cheers, dink it – I think this is one juice – Cheers it and– – I'm pretty sure this is one juice divided amongst the three

(chuckles) Oh, oh gosh – It's hot It was so hot – So nasty to watch – That's how I do it

– Ugh, that was so Oh, oh, and now you're drinking it again – I was gonna issue a warning after this I guess I should have issued a warning before this moment – [Rhett] He just ruined juice for me

– [Stevie] Ew, that was so gross, ew! – Gosh Ugh You know what– – Like a weird diet technique – I'm pretty sure once was, it's not getting any better (chuckles) It's definitely not getting better

– The warning is for anyone watching that still believes in the Tooth Fairy Adults are gonna talk now Please leave the room and let the adults talk 'Cause we're talking about the Tooth Fairy – What are you implying? (chuckles) – I would believe that the man that just spit up seven times into his own cup and drank it still believes in the Tooth Fairy, so just you and I here

– (chuckles) Yeah, that's totally fine with me – The Mythical Beasts submit intros to me every week, and when I saw this intro about the pixie dust, it reminded me of a story from my childhood about the Tooth Fairy Oh my God! – I had more! – Where'd you get more? – I had more Down there (chuckles) – Oh God

– [Link] Look at Stevie's face – Oh my– – Look at Stevie's face! – Anyway, so, my mom didn't have, oh she's gonna love this episode So excited – Oh she watches? – She does, she does watch this show, yeah – You can send her the link

She can start watching from this point – What's her first name again? – Renee – Hey Renee – Shout-out to Renee She didn't have– – Welcome to the show

– I call her Reen – Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny to fool me with All she had was the Tooth Fairy 'cause I'm Jewish, so you can't lean on those other two fictional things to fool your children with She only had the Tooth Fairy, so in kindergarten– – Is the Tooth Fairy Jewish? (all chuckling) – Yeah – Is that what I'm supposed to take from that? Got it! – Yes, kindergarten, I would put my, I'd lose a tooth and put in a little Mickey Mouse metal thing

I'd put it under my pillow, and in the morning, I'd have like 50 cents, a quarter, something like that, and I didn't think anything of it I just thought this is the way the world works And then one time in kindergarten, I woke up and there was pixie dust, like glittery dust from my windowsill, glittered all the way like to my pillow And I was like, this is physical evidence, y'all This is happening

I just accepted it as a thing that happened, but now there's evidence So I scooped up all the pixie dust and I put it in a jar and I took it to school for show and tell (chuckles) – Wow – Now the kids weren't very nice to me – Oh no! – And my mom said that night, she was tucking me in, and I started crying and saying that all the kids were making fun of me because I believed in the Tooth Fairy but I had the pixie dust to prove it– – Physical evidence

– And I didn't understand And I was like, just tell me, you gotta tell me Is it real? I need you to tell me 'cause that kids are making fun of me And she said, "Well, do you believe in the Tooth Fairy?" And I said, "I do believe in the Tooth Fairy," and then she said, "Well that's all that matters" How rude is that! She let me believe in the Tooth Fairy hard

And one night the Tooth Fairy didn't come and my mom said it's because the Tooth Fairy doesn't like cats and my cat was in my bed with me She pulled out all the stops – She made you double down on your belief and then she flaked on it – Yeah (laughs) – Reen

– Reen (laughs) – She probably didn't think you were gonna take it that far I have a similar story what we did with my kids I left a trail of blood (laughs) Because I told them that the Tooth Fairy gets caught on the windowsill every once in awhile

– Did you believe in the Tooth Fairy when you were, did your parents give you money for teeth? – My mom didn't have any patience for that kinda thing My dad definitely didn't have any patience for that kinda thing – For your kids having fun and joy – No no, no, no, they'll give you money, but my mom wouldn't care It would be like 8:45 and I was still obviously awake and she would just come in there and just put the dollar

– Like right behind your head (laughs) – She's not even wearing a robe or anything, I mean – What? – I mean (crew laughs) I mean she wasn't naked I mean she didn't– – Wait what do you mean by that? Like in your mind, do fairies wear robes? – (chuckles) Well of course

– She wasn't even wearing wings or nothing! – She wasn't dressed any differently She wasn't trying to embody the Tooth Fairy – That's not how it worked – She was just being my mom – Your expectations were off

– You mean she wasn't supposed to dress up like the Tooth Fairy? – Yeah, she wasn't supposed to be seen I don't need to tell you how it was supposed to work, you'd just be really sad – But I had this, a vague memory of my mom keeping my baby teeth I thought it was really gross and it is really gross And so I called her and I said, before this episode, and I said, "In my mind, I thought you kept "all my baby teeth," and she was like, "Yeah, of course

" – Of course? – Yeah, and so, they're in a plastic box in her drawer and I was like, that is disgusting Why did you do that? And she said, "They were such cute little teeth," was the quote from her And then she sent me a photo which I can't even, I'm not gonna show it to you because– – Why? – Show it to us – No, I don't even have it I don't have it for playback

– You deleted it? – Yeah I like scrolled up, I was like, "Mom, you nasty" But she also sent me this photo of a note that my sister had written the Tooth Fairy, so I wanted to read this – Throwing your sister under the bus again – Can you read that 'cause I can't – [Stevie] Dear Tooth Fairy, thanks for the $1 per tooth last time

I appreciated it, yet this time I had to wake up at 6 am to go get my teeth yanked out of my head So my point is, could I have 50 cents more per tooth? Please, pretty please, pretty please with sugger on top? With a cherry too? Thanks, I have to go to sleep now Bye

Love always, Jess – Jess was negotiating – Very compelling – Is Jess like a lawyer? – Yeah, no, she's a lawyer No, she's going to school for computer science

She's a nerd and she watches this show and I don't have any family left after this episode – Hi Jess – Yeah say something– – Welcome to the show– – Embarrassing about her to add to this so then your mom and your sister will disown you – Well she, there was some hesitancy when she knew that I had this photo but then ultimately, she gave me the permission to use it But there's much worse that I could show

You know what I'm saying, so – She's into horses too, I understand – We've got more episodes – Yeah, there you go So speaking of mythical, mystic creatures like the Tooth Fairy, I had the pleasure– – Angels

– Of sitting down with an angel the other day This angel is, you know, he gets mixed reviews There's some haters– – A little polarizing – Out there Yeah, he's very polarizing

– I know who you're talking about He is like the Tooth Fairy Cotton Candy Randy was devised in order to teach kids not to overindulge in sugar, fact – That's exactly why he's part of the show – Don't eat too much sugar because Cotton Candy Randy will come and whisper sweet nothings into your ear while you're sleeping

That is the lore – And that makes the most sense – But I mean deep down, he's a weird guy Deep down, he does have an amazing, a big heart, he has a lot of feelings I was afraid that he might be seeing some of the hatred that he gets in the comments sometimes and that we needed to talk about it and get to the root of all of his issues and so, I sat him down for hater comment therapy

(tender piano music) Randy, welcome to not my office – Yeah, it's great to be here It's humid – Before we proceed, I must let you know that I am not a licensed therapist in the state of California an that the following is being recorded for an internet show – That's cool

You could prescribe meds though, right? – Prescribe is a word I wouldn't use but we can talk about that after – Yay! – Why are we here today? – No idea, I've been sleeping here for weeks You just came in and sat down – Well, we are here to talk about your feelings – Mm, interesting, yeah I feel a lot of stuff

My shirt, Rhett's beard – Tell me about your childhood – Where to begin I was born into a void of pure darkness As a child, I swam in a stream of blood and then after college I just backpacked around Europe for a couple of months, you know, finding myself, learning a little bit about this curious little puzzle box I call Cotton Candy Randy

– Do you know what to do when life gives you haters? – Yeah, you hold the hater's mouth open and you put a live snake in there using barbecue tongs – And that is what we are going to be doing today A lot of people love you, a lot of people hate you – Mm, mhm – How does that make you feel? – Yeah well, like I said before, it's a little humid in here so I guess that's how I feel

A little bit damp – Randy, you're known to bring smiles to the faces of children everywhere – Mhm – But @PriscillaCanada apparently didn't get the memo Because she tweeted the following: Cotton Candy Randy is the reason I cry at night

– Mm, mhm, yeah – Does it make you sad that you make Priscilla sad, and will this make you cry at night? – Well I don't think crying is a bad thing I think tears are just a drink that comes from the face – I have something that I would like to say to @PriscillaCanada Priscilla, the reason you cry at night is because none of your dolls showed up to your last tea party

– Ouch, sick burn – Randy, like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, there's a fear of you becoming too commercial – Yeah, I get that I'm blowing up – And Mattt Foggy isn't buying what you're selling, because he has tweeted: I don't want Cotton Candy Randy merch

I hate Randy I'd spray him with water until he dissolved like the Wicked Witch of the West but without the antisemitism – Mm, interesting Well, first of all, water can't kill me I am immortal, I'll outlive everyone

Second of all, I don't see a dime from that Cotton Candy Randy merch but they did say that in exchange for the use of my likeness, I could go through Rhett's trash whenever I wanted – Well I don't think I have anything that quite states it like you did, Randy, but I will try – Yeah, Rhett's got great trash – Nobody is forcing you to buy Cotton Candy Randy merch, just like no one's forcing you to turn off your caps lock or use punctuation Also, thank you for ruining The Wizard of Oz for me

– Ouch, sick burn Also, our childhood favorites can often be problematic – This next one comes from the Reddit threat titled am I the only one that hates the guy that did the Cotton Candy Randy bit? That's a comment from someone who's screen name is FoxyToot And he says: he's like a small feminine John Goodman – I mean first of all, I'd just like to say I feel a little betrayed

As a demon from hell, I love Reddit, so I'm ashamed that they're talking smack about me on there And second of all, John Goodman is one of our finest actors I mean, you seen Cloverfield Lane? I mean that's a great movie, he's a tour de force in that So you know what Reddit, I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a compliment – I've actually always thought of you as a large, masculine King Handy from Candy Land

– (chuckles) Mhm I mean I'm trying to slim down a little bit so I'll be more of a Mr Mint, but I get it – I have a little something that I would like to say to FoxyToot if you don't mind – I don't mind

– FoxyToot, your most recent post on Reddit was titled, if you're mean on Reddit, you are a loser So you're not only a FoxyToot, you're a foxy hypocrite And a loser apparently – Nice, sick burn – I don't know if therapists are supposed to do that

Finally, user BarlesBincolnNeal on 4chan said: what the crap is up with Cotton Candy Randy? He keeps interrupting episodes of GMM to whisper in Rhett's ear and any time I try to talk, I mean Link tries to talk, he insults me I mean Link Time for Randy to pull the cotton candy rod out of his butt Do you have a rod in your butt? – Mm, what, hold on, let me see Nope, not a rod

I mean, I think it's pretty clear what's going on here Link is jealous of my relationship with Rhett and he's taking to various internet forums and pretending to be not him which I don't appreciate Firstly, I think the fans think he's dead weight and want him out It's time for Cotton Randy Randy and Rhett An entire daily YouTube show of just kissing practice, starring me and Rhett, practicing kissing for when we get girlfriends

– Link, we know it was you that wrote the 4chan comment It's a little immature – Yeah, not cool, dude – I feel like we gotta give the people what they want and it's clearly a show with Randy and Rhett making out – Mhm, evolve or die, man

Come on, it's what the people want – All right Randy, well I feel a lot better – Yeah, thanks, this has been great I love, you gotta take time for self-care, you know? – Yeah, I do know I mean your beard is very well groomed

Your pants are always right up where they need to be, so thank you so much for coming in – Okay I'm gonna go to sleep now (Rhett and Link laugh) – Wow, you know what, I really feel like you got to the bottom of some things – Yeah, yeah, I think that, you know, in the end, he was able to rest a peaceful rest of the morning when we shot that, so – He took that negative energy and really just made it positive, with your help of course

– I don't know I feel like he was deflecting a lot I feel like he does need another session in order to really get– – Okay – To get beyond the veneer, the veneer And plus, I would just like to see another session – The art work– – And call me Barles

– That art work in your office is– – Yeah, I noticed that too – Amazing! – Really expert – Yeah, it's still up there – Look at it every day – Barles

Call me Barles Bincoln– – Barles Bincoln (chuckles) – Beal, Barles Bincoln Beal That's a good name – (chuckles) 4chan – Okay, that's all I have

Thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode and thanks to you for liking, commenting and subscribing And now we say our final line – [Together] Until next LTAT– – Oh what? Still having trouble with it – Having trouble (chuckles) – You know what, just listen to us and get it as we say it

– I got it – Until the next– – No, there's no the There's no the – [Together] Until next LTAT, keep on BYMB (Rhett mutters) (poppy electronic music)

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