Food Court Ft. MatPat

– Today's foods are presumed innocent until found guilty in a court of law – Let's talk about that! (upbeat music) (alarm ringing) (fire blasting) – Good Mythical Morning

– Mythical Beasts, today we're gonna find out which McDonald's food is best after it's sat a week in our fridge, and we're also gonna play a game involving print video fails, but first, let's start off with our guest MatPat – Yeah recently on their channel GTLive, MatPat and Stephanie his wife disagree with our findings in our blind fast food pizza taste test Let's look at that they had to say – Good Mythical Morning did a pizza taste test where they tasted six of the most popular pizza brands and they did pretty badly at it (laughing) So Rhett and Link said that what defines a pizza is not its crust, sauce, or cheese

– Mm, mm, mm-mm – They said that what defines a pizza is the toppings? Which made no sense to me because you could take all those toppings off and you still have a pizza – Okay, so I guess MatPat thinks he's some great judge of food, huh? Well, why don't we find out? It's time for Food Court – All rise for the honorable Judge MatPat – Thank you

Thank you – Hi judge – Hello Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Food Court You may be seated

Counselors, your job here today in Food Court is simple You'll each be presented with a disgusting food It is then your job to convince me that your food is the superior food If I choose your food, I will eat it A high honor

If I don't choose your food, you will have to eat it Right? Kinda sucks – Yeah – It's pretty self-explanatory If during the course of today's proceedings you would like a little bit of assistance, you're allowed to request one sidebar

A sidebar, as you can see is filled with desserts and regular sundae toppings to add to the deliciousness of your food The dessert bar can only be used once during the course of today's proceedings We'll have three hearings, you may only use it once – Got it – Each

– Each – Yes, of course – Yes, this is not a race to the dessert bar (pensive music) (typewriter clicking) (pounds gavel) Order, order, settle We're bringing our first case to trial here

(Rhett sighs) Counselors Our first hearing is the case of Boston terrier cream pie, which is a slice of Boston cream pie with terrier hair as a garnish – Wow – Mm – And Counselor Link, you are presented with bananas Foster cat, which is bananas Foster but instead of ice cream, it's cat food

– Awesome – Gentlemen, you may begin your arguments We'll begin with Counselor Rhett – It's my honor, your honor – It's my honor to be serving as your judge

– People love Boston People love terriers People love cream And people love pie Put it all together, you've got something that you're going to love

On the other hand– (chuckles menacingly) Bananas, the red-headed step children of the fruit family – Sir (bangs gavel) We will have no slander against other fruits – Okay, sorry Foster's is a Australian beer that tastes like urine

– (bangs gavel) Slander again sir, against beer franchises – Okay and cats are an abomination and contribute nothing to society – How dare you, sir, I have a very pleasant cat at home – Oh I feel so much sympathy for you right now (crew chuckling) – I do too

Been cleaning our closet for the last week – And also, hair of the dog That is an expression that was once used to describe the process by which you took the hair of a rabid dog that had bit someone and put it into their wound! To heal it Sir, Judge, your honor, I'm not asking you to put hair into your wound, I'm asking you to eat it – Excellent, thank you Counselor

You may be seated Counselor Link, your rebuttal – Oh my goodness, kinda heavy, first of all You get your workout even lifting it up to somewhere – Are you saying that my guns need a little bit of exercise, sir? – No, I was just saying that about me

– Ah, I see – What I'd like to say about you is, you know what, congratulations, first of all, on being an expected father That son in the oven– – Objection Pandering (crew chuckles) – I'll allow it (bangs gavel)

– I know you're gonna be a great father – [MatPat] Thank you – And you know what a great father would never do? A great father would never feed his baby something that he hasn't tasted – Okay – And that's not much different than with our cats that we love, right? You don't wanna feed your cat something that you yourself wouldn't be willing to just at least taste a little bit of

– Hm, I do love my cat – And if you're not willing to eat this, what signal does that send them? – Wow – I rest my skillet (MatPat chuckles) – I have to admit, I am definitely impressed with Counselor Link's argument here I went into this, this hearing thinking that Boston terrier cream pie would be the obvious winner, but your emotional plea and making me feel guilty about the food that I'm feeding my cat has won the day, sir

I hear in favor of Counselor Link (bangs gavel) – Thank you judge – So shall it be done Please, bailiff If you would bring the bananas Foster cat

(chuckling) To the judge's stand – Of course I'm gonna eat some hair of the dog – Would you like to go first? – Sure – [Link] Put it in your wound or whatever you said – Right, shove it in the wound

See this just is awful because it's like, you have such a difficult time swallowing your own hair – Ugh! – Dog hair (Rhett moans) – I ate some hair, I did it – All right so here we go This one's for you, Skip

Mm, mm! (chuckling) Ah, mm – You're gonna be a great dad – Thank you And let my cat not forget this (pensive music) (typewriter clicking) Gentlemen, hearing number two shall begin thusly

We have ants on a log with real ants, as opposed to grasshopper cocktail with obviously real grasshopper Counselor Link, you may begin with arguments – Okay Dad of the year in training (chuckles) – You, that's you

– Ants on a log, the classic dish – [MatPat] Judge of the year, maybe – Updated You know, without the raisins Because who needs raisins when you can have the real thing? This is not really about the ants

– It's not? – It's about sugar versus protein It's just a sugary beverage, you're gonna crash, but this is gonna sustain you all day By the way, ants can carry 50 times their own weight – It's true – It's just a fraction of that strength gets conveyed to you

You sir are gonna gavel all the way through that table – Wow – That'd be pretty awesome – Be like a Marvel superhero – That would be great

– Ant Man – That would be jiffed all over the internet – Or giffed – You're right, you know what, gif – But jif because it's like peanut butter

– See we're connecting – Truly simpatico here – We can do it, I rest my case – I feel like we're maybe showing some favoritism here, Counselor Link, let's sit down Please Counselor Rhett

I will remain an impartial judge – The only thing sweeter than the sickeningly sweet connection that the two of you are making– (crew chuckles) – [MatPat] Ooh – Is this cocktail Judge, you probably didn't wake up today thinking, you know, I wanna eat a grasshopper today You don't have to eat one

You've got to drink one (chuckles) Now, ants are disgusting, they spend their entire lives crawling on the dirty ground, picking up whatever bacteria, viruses and dirt that there is to be found Grasshoppers are like ew! And they jump, therefore minimizing their contact with the ground Grasshoppers spend approximately 97% of their lives suspended, and what that means is is that you've only got a three percent chance of being poisoned to death (crew chuckling) – Uh– – In drinking this

– Can we go back to Counselor Link? What is my odds of becoming poisoned if I eat the ants on a log? – 52% probably – Okay, all right so pretty high – [MatPat] That's pretty high – You know what, I'm being real He's just making up numbers

– No, no, no, no– – Talking about jumping– – Are you accusing your fellow counselor of lying? – 82% of all statistics are made up on the spot – Well 100% of decisions are made right now (pounds gavel) I rule in favor of Counselor Rhett – Yeah! – But why? – I didn't want people thinking that I was showing you favoritism honestly – Oh, oh, you want it? – I just don't want you approaching that

– Wow, thank you, bailiff Whoa, this is chunkier than I expected – I mean yes, you may have to chew a little bit, but just, let them enter in by drinking – Over the teeth, over the gums – Down the hatch and here it comes

It's on the lips, you got on on the lip! – Minty, right? – Man, the mintiness just compliments the grasshopper leg – The only redeeming factor here is that I get to eat peanut butter (crunches log) Whoo, that's crunchy! (pensive music) (typewriter clicks) – Gentlemen (bangs gavel), in this, our final hearing of the day, we have the battle of the steaks Beef Patty versus hanger steak Beef Patty is obviously a baby doll named Patty who has been raised for several years being covered in beef

Patty also happens to be French in case you couldn't tell, so as a result of that, you're gonna dip her in breast milk She's like a French dip – That's really breast milk? – Sounds amazing – And over here, Counselor Link, you have been presented with the hanger steak which is a delicious steak that will be hung by a string, raised into the rafters and then subsequently lowered, covered in whatever happens to be living up in your rafters so I hope you keep your offices clean I will now raise and lower the steak

– Okay, boy Can I use a hook? – Go for it – Got it, there it is – Nice – Fly, steak

– I will now raise the steaks, literally – Fly to the rafters! – Look at it go! – Oh goodness, there's– – Oh what in the world's happening up there? – What's going on up there? – There are birds living up there (crew laughing) – Oh gosh – Okay – [Rhett] Oh wait, what, what? – Okay

– I can't tell what's– – Bring her down! Train a bird to attack a steak like that – I will lower the steaks I believe it's been marinated enough You've got like twigs too? – Yeah there's feathers, bird seed Twigs, let me put that one back on there

– All right Counselor Rhett, if you may take the stand – Come with me, Patty Goodness – You have to treat her like the woman that she deserves to be treated as – Now my opponent's steak is covered in God knows what

Patty is simple She's just covered in beef and then will be later dipped into human breast milk – Why wait, why don't we do the dip now? Let's see the full perspective of– – Oh goodness – [MatPat] (chuckles) You're like drowning her – She can't hold her breath forever, man

(crew chuckling) – Now Judge, when was the last time you had breast milk? – I don't think I ever have actually, I was a formula baby – Oh, even better You've been missing out, sir This stuff is full, chuck full of vitamin double D (laughing) – It is not tasteful

– And you're about to be a father One of the best things about being a father is having stories to tell your baby One of the first stories you could tell your baby is, you know, not long before you were born, I ate a baby covered in meat that had been dipped in the same kind of breast milk that you're enjoying right now – This is going great – Think about how good of a relationship you're going to have

– Perfect bedtime story – I rest my case It sells itself – [Link] Nap time Ugh, goodness

– Thank you Counselor Rhett, you may be seated Counselor Link, if you may approach the stand You're welcome to unhook the hanger steak – No, I like it like this – Great

– MatPat, I have a theory– – Ooh – I don't think that you're gonna want to have a video of you eating a beef covered baby, floating around on the internet for the rest of forever But this, on the other hand, is a nice T-bone steak Just covered in stuff, that once you get past it, you're probably just gonna taste mostly steak I'd like to sidebar, who are we kidding? – Great, absolutely

Please – Haven't used this sidebar, it's been over here begging Oh, got some chocolate chips here – [MatPat] Oh yeah – We got some, oh, I know you like that peanut butter, here's some Butterfinger

– I feel like the two are very different things actually – Here's some marshmallow – Yeah, that marshmallow seasoned steak – And then you're gonna forget all about the bird nasty (chuckling) Chocolate, let me tell you from experience

– Please tell me – Chocolate covers a world of nastiness We know that for a fact on this show Let me also say that human breast milk tastes like dumpster juice – It depends on the woman

– It flies (MatPat chuckling) Here we go Whoo! (meat thumps on floor) – [Rhett] Oh God – It was supposed to, it was supposed to swing! – Counselor, counselor! Counselor, you're creating a ruckus in my court I throw the book at you, sir! – Oh

– Whoa (pounds gavel) – Order, order, you're creating a ruckus – I can swing it right into your mouth! – I will hold you in contempt, sir – No, no, no, we're on the same team – Please be seated, everyone, order in the court

(meat thumps onto plate) I've taken all of your arguments into account and I think I have to rule in favor of the hanger steak (pounds gavel) – Ugh! – Yeah! That's right – Hanger steak, bailiff, if you could bring that to the bench – That's it – I mean let's be honest here

Having a story of me eating children with breast milk for my small unborn child, probably not the best response – Not good for the brand, either – You know what, now it's a story for my children – It is, you can also marinate the steak a little bit more, like– (thumps gavel) Tenderize – Okay, while you're tenderizing, I'll go ahead and– – Yeah please dig in

– Eat Patty's face – Yeah, put that all over the internet Oh gosh – Oh wow, just wrong in so many ways! I feel like I've seen that in Texas Chainsaw Massacre – Mm, it's good! – Yeah? – You're really missing out! – Breast milk really moisturize? – You made a bad choice

– Well let's find out how bad of a choice I made, here we go – The chocolate's gonna help you, man – Make sure I get a little twig in there, a little bit of bird seed Oh – Yeah

– Fun fact, you can't chew twigs (Rhett chuckles) I believe though that I've made the right choice here Counselors, I thank you both for your service to the court today, but counselor Rhett, I'm sorry to say, you've only convinced me of eating one of your dishes, which means bailiff, if you will please, take him away – Dang, taking him away! – The lawyer gets arrested in this court? – Yes, that's how I run my court room – After what you did to that baby, you're trying to play the victim? (handcuffs clicking) – Makes perfect sense! – Honorable Judge MatPat, thank you so much for being here

– Can we take Patty with us? – No, she she stays here! – Restraining order I hereby grant a restraining order to Patty Now, literally wigging out over here – Honorable Judge MatPat, thank you so much for being here You were a great sport and an excellent judge

Okay guys, make sure you check out his channels, the Game Theorists and the Film Theorists, and keep watching because we're gonna find out which McDonald's food tastes best after a week in the fridge Is it hot in here or is it just our sizzling new line of t-shirts? Snag one today at mythicalstore

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