7 Cute But Evil Animals

– Cute animals are problematic – Let's talk about that

(cheerful music) – Good mythical summer! – In these divisive times the people need an escape from the atrocities of the world And one of the most common peaceful retreats for the layperson is binge watching cute animal videos Well consider your digital utopian calming yurt firebombed by truth, because cute animals are actually evil It's time for Can We Find Out the Evil Deeds of These Super Cute Animal Breeds? Alright Link, come on out and check out the magic matching board – Is it safe? – Yeah, unless you're allergic to magnets

– I love magnets – Okay, I love it when we get to stand up – Yeah look at that – That may have been cheating – Good

– I don't think it was – Any advantage I can get – I have seven just completely disgusting facts about how evil animals can get – Okay – I'm gonna read a fact and you're gonna take one of these cute animals, you have nine to chose from, there's only seven facts, and you're going to place them next to the fact

And then after you're done with putting them all together I'm going to give you one, I'm gonna tell you how many you got right, then you're gonna have a switcheroo opportunity – Okay I'm ready for this – And then if you get, how many are we looking for him to get right? If you get four or more right, which should really happen You're gonna get your own cuddly plushy stuffed animal that you're gonna feel very different about after this game

– Oh really, okay – Here's the first one This adorable animal will voluntarily eat a human face and continue devouring said human alive until they die of blood hemorrhage – Ew – Isn't that cute? – They will voluntarily eat a human face, you don't have to even command it? – [Rhett] Happily eat human faces

– Ah – The best tactic here is to figure out which one of these animals would be capable of figuring out how to buy bath salts – Look at that cute dog face Now, Jade licks me in the face all the time, I don't know if that's a precursor to her eating my face off, but I don't think so And a dolphin, it's hard to eat a face underwater

Trust me – Doesn't the water soften it though? – That's a good point, Rhett – I made you think twice – So it's gotta be something that can really chomp and chew Wait, is this just a kitten? – [Rhett] That is not just a kitten, that is a margay

– A what? – Margay – A margay, is that a full grown margay or a baby margay? – I think they don't get much bigger than that I think they're always cute Perpetually cute – I know that koalas can be fierce and I think that they have teeth

– Okay, alright – So I'm going with– – There's logic – Well I know they have teeth, but I think they have teeth sharp enough to eat a face, is what I really meant – Okay Alright, here's the second one

Our next creature is shockingly cute, anaphylactic shock that is They produce a poison from their elbows that they then mix with their saliva in order to severely poison anyone who attempts to touch them with a single bite Cuddly – Poison comes out of the elbow? – Yeah, look at my weenus – Yeah

– Think about that, that would be, I mean I'd be like a freakin' superhero – You didn't say touch it, but are you okay with me pulling on it? – I love it when people touch my weenus – No poison in it – Yeah because I haven't licked it yet Poisonous elbows

– They lick the elbow, poison comes out? – Yup – That's crazy – Yeah, evil – I don't think a pig has an elbow So, marking that one off

– Well– – Swans don't have elbows – Okay – Penguins don't have elbows Clownfish do have elbows, interestingly enough But there's no poison in them

– Okay – Man, this– – That is a slow loris – A slow loris, right? Okay, man look at, that thing looks demented with it's head all cocked over like it's possessed – Possessed – I'm definitely thinking, let me look at the elbow

– Elbows hidden in that picture But maybe that was on purpose – You don't have to move fast if you've got poison coming out of your elbows – Okay here's another one This extremely cute animal is surprisingly the most aggressive of their kind and once ate a human toe off while the victim was sleeping

– Oh! – Remember like the sleepovers we had when we were kids First one to fall asleep gets their toe eaten Aggressive and ate a human toe – How do you eat the toe? It's hard to eat a toe underwater – It's often said, oh I can't say that again

– A human toe? While sleeping? – While sleeping – Why would a dog eat a human toe And why would a human toe be around one of these foreign cats? – Now you're thinking One of these foreign cats – Because I think it, I mean these are my only two viable choices at this point

– Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh – And I'm gonna say this wild cat sneaks up into like people's tents and starts eating toes – [Rhett] Okay – I don't know – These little cuties use an adorable hunting tactic where they perfectly imitate the sound of their prey's dying young and when the panicked mother comes rushing to help, that's when they attack and murder her

– Why are so into that? – It just sounds fun (imitating baby crying) – This is why whenever I hear my kids crying I don't go to help, because it might be a trap – You are demented – Mm-hmm My kids are tough man

No crying in the McLaughlin household We bottle up our emotions and let them come out when we're adults – I'm just trying to figure out if, I know a swan is a demented creature I also think they're vegetarian – Okay

Where do you get your facts? – From animalfactorg – Oh yeah I think you should be going to animalfactscom

– Oh, swans eat meat? – I think if a swan would eat like a little fish or something Or an insect, yeah – Yeah you're probably right Dolphins are so smart This is such an insidious technique that I think you gotta have lots of smarts to do it

– Okay We all love heartwarming stories of cute animals being helped by good humans, but don't help this cute animal They are aggressive and once flipped a man out of his boat and attacked him until he drowned – There's a boat involved – And to be fair, the animal, the man was trying to steal this animal's wallet

So it was justified, stand your ground, you know, that kind of thing – I think this is probably a water dwelling creature – Yup – So you think a swan could eat a man? – I don't know, why don't you go to animalfactorg and find out

– But how's Nemo's dad gonna eat a man? – It didn't eat a man, it attacked him until he drowned – Okay Then I think it's the swan – Okay – Because these swans go nuts, they are scary

You ever been stared down by a swan? Look away man – Okay – Scary – For the first six months of their survival these baby animals have to stimulate their mother' cloaca, a hole responsible for urine, feces, and reproduction, and eat their poop straight out the butt That reminds me, I should call my mom more

– Eat the mother's feces – Yeah, for the record, cloaca is my favorite Kardashian Just thought I should remind you of that – I think I know that this is a koala – You think you know that? – So on my switcheroo round, I think I know that koalas are poop eaters

So I'm gonna put this down here and something else has gotta eat face – So you gotta put a placeholder that you can remember that you should trade with a koala So something that rhymes with koala Something that's up there that rhymes with koala – Clowahnawa

– Okay good – Fish – Alright, here's the last one Link This famously cute animal does what any of us would do in times of stress If the dominant female dies in their group, the male will develop female genitalia and mate with their own children

They will also eat their weak babies That's a complicated grief response – So a male becomes a female – And then mates with their own children This is also the exact scenario that will unfold in this season of Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta

I've got sources – I think I've heard of dogs doing this – Oh really – Yeah, yeah This isn't dogs, this isn't pigs, this isn't penguins

So it's– – Wow You think you might have gotten something wrong? Maybe – Man how do, I'm trying to, I can't imagine any of these animals having the ability to change sex, that's what's so crazy Except maybe the clown, I think my guess is gonna be clownfish Man, so for now I'm just gonna say, yeah sure, dogs can change sex

– And to be clear, that is specifically a dachshund I thought you might recognize that, given the fact that you own one That might help you in your switch around Switch around, you know, the old switcheroo – Oh it's only dachshunds? – I'm calling it switch around now

For the summer – Yeah I could tell this was a dachshund – I'm going to tell you how many you have right – I get to switch stuff around, okay – Okay, Link you have two right

You need to get two more – But it's, but I'm not done I can switch things around Now, I'm almost positive that koalas are poop eaters – Okay

– So I'm putting that here And then I have no clue which of these animals is a sex changer but the only one that I think it could be is somehow a clownfish – Somehow – I think that was in the deleted scenes from Finding Nemo – Right, uh-huh, yeah

– Okay, can I just have this one, by the way? – Yeah sure You could also find a place to put it on the board bu you know – Okay so happily eating human feces – No, faces – Oh faces

(laughing) – Because that would be the dog – Big difference – Human faces That's gotta be something different now You know what, I think it's a freaking pig

Not this pig, but I think a much scarier version of a pig somehow – Okay – And– – Any more choices? – I think I'm right about the poisonous elbows Man the dolphin, dolphin are so smart they could do anything Alright I'm gonna settle here

– Okay – These are my final answers – Here we go, let's work through this Happily eat human, not feces, but faces You're right, it's a pig

That's how farmers dispose of each other (laughing) Yeah No seriously – Right when the crop season's over? – It does happen Like if a farmer falls into a big patch of pigs, they will be reduced to almost nothing within minutes

– Oh my god – It happens, happens every year Look it up, animalfactorg – But it makes the bacon taste really good

– Poisonous elbows – Yes! Slow loris! – You're right, the slow loris, that wicked little cutie – Demented – Aggressive and ate a human toe I don't know about the grammar there, but

(buzzer) It's a dachshund – What? – Yes, you're little cute little Jade is just thinking about going into your, under the covers and yeah eating your toes – She does burrow down into the covers – Yeah, don't, yeah Yup, I'm serious man, you should stop that

Put her in her cage at night – No, I'll just wear chainmail on my feet because she's staying in the bed – That's good Okay, so, but you got two right so far – Okay

– Mimic baby sound to murder (buzzer) That's the margay They specifically imitate the sounds of the monkeys, the baby monkeys that they prey on – They ate baby monkeys? – Well they eat the mothers – Oh wow

– They make the sound of the babies and they eat the mothers You know, it's cooler Okay, still only two right Drown human men – I'm probably, this should have been dolphins shouldn't it

– No, you're right – Okay good! – Now– – I know they're mean – Dolphins can do some heinous things, I don't want to talk about it but they do some really really bad things to human women And I'm not, I'm not making this up Animalfact

org, look it up But the swan specifically has been known to drown human men Okay Link that's three All you gotta do is get one more right and you win your very own cuddly plushy toy – And you have to eat your mother's feces

– Maybe I won't be calling her after all Eat mother's feces Koala – Yeah! – And Link, father eats and mates with young, woo, Love and Hip-Hop and clownfish Link, that's not just four correct, that's five correct, you're an animal genius

– That's right, Planet Earth to the rescue – Here's what you win Yes, this is a man who turned into a woman and ate his young What is it? I don't know Happy Nemo day

– I'll be sleeping with this tonight, and every night – Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing – You know what time it is – Hi I'm Gronya, this is Scully, Noodle, Maple, and Winston They're all dachshunds, we're watching Good Mythical Morning and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality

– Ah! – She's not gonna have any toes In just a couple of months man She is living dangerously – I'm gonna steal that Maple, that's the color I'm gonna get next – Oh you're doing it again? – Yes

– Click through to hear some of the most evil things human children have ever said – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is gonna land in Good Mythical More We'll be here for a while, but our 48 hour flash sale won't be Hurry over to mythicalstrore now and save before it's gone

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.